Is It Worth All The Pains After All ? (Part 2)

She lifted up her head, cast a blank stare around her as if she wanted to verify something, and she went back packing her things, as if I didn’t say anything. I called her again, my voice sounding louder than the first time. And again no verbal response from her, only a blank stare. “Anne ! Anne !! Please talk to me !” At this point, I was beginning to fret. So I reached out to her, pulled her closer and held her in my arms. “Why are you so disconnected, why are you doing this to yourself, to your children, to me, to us ?” I said as I kept jerking her to ‘consciousness’. “I know you are going through a very trying time now, and that’s why I am here, I understand what you are passing ….

“No you don’t Amara You certainly don’t, and you can never, because you haven’t been through this !” She cut me short.

In that instance, she fell on my neck and started weeping profoundly. “Did you say you understand want I am passing through Amara, did you ?” She whispered amidst tears, looking straight into my eyes. “The excruciating pain right inside my heart …?” She continued. Did she really expect me to answer her? “The nights I desperately needed sleep but just couldn’t find it? Nights I managed to find sleep, only to wake up when I rolled to the other side of the bed, and alas, Felix was gone? Nights I screamed out from sleep because in my nightmare, the judge ruled the sole custody of Ken and Nath to Felix, and the only thing left to my custody was misery?”

You said you understand how it feels that Felix, a man that loved, wooed, and married me can’t stand the sight of me anymore? Do you know how many times I have considered ending it all, I mean, how many times I’ve thought of taking my life, because I am afraid of facing life and what it holds for me? …..’ The list continued, so the sobbing, so also the out pouring of her tears on my shoulder as if the floodgates swung open. I didn’t answer her numerous questions, I didn’t have to, I only cried along with her. The more we cried, the better I felt, at least she has talked to me, at least she has let out those bottled up emotions through her

The sobbing lasted longer than I expected, yet I didn’t mind. It was my first time of seeing her cry. From the very first day I set my eyes on her, I discovered her frailty. Yes Anne has been displaying a very weak and unbalanced personality ever since I met her, but to cry? never! Today is my first time of finding tears in those eyes. She’s so broken, and when she talks, the heaviness of her heart fells tangible, yet you can never catch her crying. Many a time, I’ve found myself fighting and hiding my own tears when I am with her, because it’s usually only me the anguish she narrates sends sobbing. Anne never cried, not even a single tear! So now that I saw her cry, I let her do it freely. Copiously. Extensively. Extravagantly.

It’s barely 3:30 p.m right now, and she’s completely exhausted. So I led her to what used to be their bedroom, and persuaded her to catch some rest before we continue with the packing. Most of her things are no longer here, almost everything left in this room now are Felix’s. “Do you still remember that the month is ending in 2 days time?”, she started. “Why are you asking me to take it easy ? I don’t want the new month to meet me here, don’t you understand ?…….(To be continued).

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